#42 : Fucked Forever

 

It's crazy how depression will take everything from you until you're nothing but a soulless husk. And yet, you still feel like you're nothing without it. I like the idea of being happy. I escaped this vicious cycle once. I felt the happiness. I experienced it. I felt the ups and the highs. I lived it. But no matter how high or happy I was, I am and will always going back here;

To the emptiness.

To the sadness. 

The sorrow. 

The hollow.

 

Now I'm back at square one again, trying to keep myself strong again, trying to keep myself sane again, not losing myself again, just for a short duration of happiness.

I feel like even if I pursue happiness again, I'll lose myself.

I'll lose everything that I am even though as I am now, I am nothing. 

I feel like a creature trying to pretend to be human and barely even that.

How fucked is that?