4:24 am
Sleep Disorder
No matter how active I was during the day or how tired I am now, I still not be able to sleep. And I'll sure get a title "Damaged Good" because of my disorder (I get that a lot anyway). Fuck you and your "healthy brain" guys. If you wonder why I reject people, it is because human beings are too 'perfect' to be 'friend' with and I am too troubled to fit in. I am not anymore into humans.
I tried and force myself to sleep since 11 p.m and look at me now.
Non-stop tossing and turning on my bed. I don't feel sleepy. Even if I feel sleepy, I still can't sleep. Sleeping pills didn't help. My sickness are too strong. The pills can't bring out its magic and benefits.
Fuck my life. My life is a joke. And I'm not even laughing anymore.
For sure, it's not a 'cool' thing. I've been suffering to sleep since I was 16. It's no longer insomnia. And IT IS SUCK. It's interferes my emotional functions. Or shall I say it's pretty much took over my life just like how depression took over me?
Anyway, I really am tired now. My body feel so tense. I'm dizzy and nausea. And all I can do is staying on bed and trying to fall asleep. Why can I not sleep why why why. I need a drink. Matthew Healy would be nice. Herman sounds nice too.
Struggle to fall asleep,
Z.
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