#70 : grandeur

 

August was surprisingly has been good for me. Almost perfect I must say. I have been flying back and forth from Sin City and Dead City this month and my upcoming flight is on Sept 3rd. Graduated even though my college still managed to fuck me up (I was supposed to get special award but they "forgot" to sent out a letter), lost weight and people noticed it. August fly way too fast. And next week I'm going to an EDM music festival. 

I still miss certain people from my past but it's better if I don't reach out to them. I'll let myself to feel the pain as I am so used to it. I can only daydream about it. Anyways I ended up going to a fair last week. It was nice. Some dude tried to hit me and I guess I still look good and young at age 30? Lmao.

I have big plan for next year but for now I won't move a step cuz it's my enemy year. Any move will eventually set me to failure. So, 2026 is not too far. Hoping for the best.

I'm currently sick, I hope it'll go away by this weekend cuz I need to be healthy.

#69 : 4 good days

 

"What flavor should I get?"
"Are we getting ice cream?"

"Do you have a pencil sharpener?"
"What are we coloring?"

"Pass me a lighter."
"Whose birthday is it?"

What an innocent child I wish I still was.

#68 : ?

Hello ghosties.

I'm back.

Last week I was busy with my graduation from my shitty college and useless certification.

I've graduated.

I'm done with shitty people from that place.

What now?

Honestly idk.

My manager called me early this morning.

The company kinda needed me to go to a fair.

But I don't feel like going or mingle with people who doesn't appreciates me.

So I won't be going.

I'm back to my dead city and somehow I feel safe here.

The thought of taking my own life still pass thru my mind.

I'm not suicidal but somehow that kind of thoughts comforts me.

Just updating lmao.

XO

#67 : 103.5

 

Nothing can change my mind anymore.

This thought has been rooted deep inside my mind for as long as I can remember.

Everything is distant and absurd.

Life is a big joke.

Everything goes to no point.

And I'm not even in a distorted/depression state as I'm stating this.

I am now just living the life that I was spawned into.

Not trying to find any meaning.

Not trying to achieve anything.

Not trying to get or have something.

I'm just living as it is.

Cuz I'm a dead fish.

And only dead fish follow the stream.

And to be honest,

I'm really OK with that.

XO

#66 : Brownies for Dessert

 

The recipe said they needed to cool for twenty minutes

Patients has never been a virtue of mine

You were sitting on my bed

more delicious than the brownies

I think you may be as impatient as me

it only took one kiss before you were on top of me

my legs wrapped around you

I will not confess to intentionally wearing an outfit that easily removed

but I will not deny it, either

I do confess to thinking of you when I touch myself

the way you are touching me now

We help ourselves to each other

until I lose count of orgasms

The puddle beneath us says it was several

Satisfied

We lay together, salty and dripping still

"Did I earn my brownie?" you ask

I laugh as if you didn't earn the whole tray

as if I could withhold sweetness from you

I brought brownies and wine from the kitchen

We enjoyed them naked

Kissing between delicious bites

You told me that you have a sweet tooth

as if I hadn't just witnessed you enjoy

dessert after dessert

- L. HART